The Un-Avoidable Grief That Follows Loss
I don’t really know what to say.
There’s a lot of thoughts swimming around my head.
We returned home to Thailand on August 1st. Now it’s August 20th and I’m packing my backpack for a two week trip to Europe with my Mom to walk the Camino Ingles in Spain. We planned this trip last October and finally got our flights for it the night before my Dad passed from life to life.
Grief, maybe it's not what I thought it was...
I’m not sure anyone exactly knows how to grieve the thing they are grieving. Most of us have heard the whole ‘stages of grief’ thing. But - those stages aren’t linear, neither were they designed for the survivor, but instead for terminally ill patients facing death. Although perhaps still useful…
In all I do, I do want to do it well, I want to grieve well, and for my Dad to ‘have his moment’. Where I truly remember him and feel all the feelings I feel.
But gosh, it’s hard, because I simultaneously want life to just go on. And at the same time, I want to stop time and go backwards - I want to call my dad and just talk about whatever random thing he’s focusing on right now…I want to answer his questions about my day and I want to know how he’s doing too.
I don’t want to go through this…but I haven’t any choice.
You see, everyone goes through loss. I’m not unordinary. And in fact, at least from my perspective, where I live…people experience loss on a much more ‘intense’ frequency than we, from western countries, do. I live on the edge of a war zone. Seven kilometers from me are harrowing scam compounds. I am reminded of the fragility of life when people die of preventable diseases.
I spoke to a friend who also lost a parent while here…she said something I think I can never forget. It spoke deeply to my spirit….
“Jesus went around healing those who were sick a few days and sick for years. Each one he moved in compassion with.”
Jesus cares about all of us. He cares about you in whatever grief you’re experiencing.
That’s all the time I’m going to give these thoughts today…
Until next time…
Kelly
PS. If you want to see my journey in Portugal and Spain with my Mom be sure to find me on Instagram and Facebook (Kelly Tana)
